SOCHA NA THA ……

WARNING – Blog contains the usage of heavy duty techno jargon ….
MUaafi .. but pls read with someone from a slight IT background beside u…. !

Logon ki prem kahaniyan filmy hoti hai well ye wali thodi technical hai …..
The phases of the story are comparable to the start up process of an operating system …. so here goes --

THE BOOT UP --
The boot up of our Operation system was initiated by the leading ERP selling company called – SAP .
She wanted to pursue an SAP course and I was already into SAP – Just a co incidence…. !!
The boot up was quite smooth – I gave her tips on certifications and she asked questions regarding placements.etc
2 month down the line neither she got certified nor placed ….what happened --- we got engaged… !!!

HARDWARE and SOFTWARE compatibility Check ---
She(Software) was an MBA in Finance - accounting , ledgers , balance sheets , these were kids play for her.
My(Hardware) greatest Financial achievement was - opening an account in DEUTCHE BANK (apne ICIC ya SAHAKARI BANK jitna aasan nahi hota…!!)
We were trying to run WINDOWS VISTA 7 on a Celeron processor machine …. !
But still the hardware was able to take the load and the now runs like a Pentium core 2 duo processor ….

LOADING DRIVERS --
The DRIVERS of our OS were Facebook and Gtalk .
Thanks to the powerfull satellites and DB servers of these social networks , we never lost contact even after being 50000KM apart.
Well even the proposal was made in a small facebook chat window using COMIC SANS MS font …. !!

THE BUG FIXES and PATCH APPLICATIONS --
No love story is complete without the villain … Iss kahani me bhi the …..
NETWORK OUTAGES and POWER CUTS humari kahani ke mogambo aur shakal the …..
Ek baar toh I had to login remotely in her desktop to save her D:\ drive from getting full …. !
Hero ne heroine ke keemti laptop ki jaan bachai (srry for the HAM scene) … !

REGISTRY AND SYSTEM STARTUP --
After going thru the long process finally our OS is ready to start.
The pundits together with the stars (tare / sitare ) have registered the dates of the marriage .
BOOT COPMLETE LOADING OS - please press F9 to view system details ….. ;-)
Thanks to every chip in the circuit which helped to start up this operating system.

This operating system has been installed with the latest Anti virus softwares and cannot be hacked into by any MALWARE/ADDWARE/TROJAN.etc.
Even Bill gates multi million offer to buy the copyrights of this Operating system has been rejected....!

HUM TOH CHALE PARDES ..HUM PARDESI HO GAYE....

Every techie dreams of an onsite trip in his career.
So does his mother, father, brother,grandmother,uncle and a dozen
more people connected to him.

Once the news breaks out the techie has to deal with two sets of preparations.
The official and the domestic.
The official ones are boring , visas , work permits, documents.... yaaawnnn....

The interesting ones are the domestic preparations.
The preparations can be compared to a bollywood movie being produced.
Starring - the parents, relatives and friends of the techie.

The phases -

THE SCRIPTWRITING AND COSTUME DESIGNING --

The scriptwriting does not consist of dialogues or lyrics, all it consists of are lists . .......so u have a list for the fooditems , the clothes,the travelling kits , the contact numbers of relatives and finally a list to check if the lists for all these things is completed....!!!


Costume designing is a time consuming activity ... the dialogue conversatoin with the salesman of an upmarket apparel brand would be --

"Bhaisaab humara ladka ABC infotech company ki taraf se germany ke Munich sehar me jaa raha hai ... wahan thand bohot hoti hai ... jara aise kapde dikhaiye jo wahan ki thand ke layak ho ..... " so now even the salesman knows the travel plan and company profile of the poor techie..!!

Even the Inner wear is bought with great detail .... so u have thermal inner wear, casual inner wear and even party inner wear...!! )

THE MARKETING AND PUBLICITY ---

The marketing and publicity is handled by the mothers and grandmothers....
They have a strong LAN(Ladies Area Network) via which the broadcast of the news starts in the morning with the doodhwala .... and then spreads like wild fire untill the watchman , the local dhobi , the maid- kamala bai are all up to date with the details of the city ,the country and the client for which the techie will be working for.....!!

ART DIRECTION ---

This is handled mainly by the elders - the Dadis and naanis ....
The common lines are --
"Hay ram .... videsh jaa raha hai .... kahan rahega ... kya khayega .... kaise nahayega ...bimar ho gaya toh .. ? mera toh jee bohot ghabra rha hai ....!!!!

THE EDITING --

The baggage always turns out to be more then the allowed weight in the airlines .
Thus starts the editing ....
The editing takes place a day before the premiere ..... the final products to be included in the journey are decided and the ones not required are cut......!!


THE PREMIERE --

The premiere is totally star studded attended by the whos who of the family .....
The venue -- airport....
Even the techie is not aware about the outcome and is quite nervous ....
He sits in the corner awaiting the release of his movie ...... !!!!!

So all the the techies .. remember you are the superstar of this movie so do everything you can to make the movie a superhit .... for the sake of producer, director and all the cast and crew ...!!!!

Beta.... hieght kitni hai tumhari ... ?

Marriages are made in heaven ..... thats what i was told always....untill recently i found out the truth ...... marriages(arranged that is) are made in the living room .............

The process of arranged marriages follows a similar track of interview rounds which were followed by the companies which came for campus interviews to our colleges --->

Venue -- Mama ka ghar /mausi ka ghar or worst ladki ka apna ghar.....

ROUND 1 --- the GD -- Group discussion --

This is the round where you thrown in front of an elite panel of judges comprising of - ladki ke tauji , ladki ke kaka sasur ,ladki ke mama, ladki ke mama ke sasur ,ladki ke behnoi ,ladki ke chacheri bhai ,ladki ke mamere bhai (srry got carried away...)

Two most difficult questions of this round which need thorough preparation and utter presence of mind are ->
1.Beta tumhari height kitni hai ?
2.Beta tumhara package kitna hai ?

No matter how hard you prepare and how well you research ,you will never be able to provide a satisfactory answer for the above questions to please the elite panel .
I have even tried to google the answer but in vain.

Next the elite panel then tries to establish a connection between the two families.
An extract from the conversation --
Raigad me bhagwandas zaveri ji ke baju wali kothi humari hai ..... arre wahi jahan kanta bai kaam karti hai ... ji haan .... arre wahi kanta bai toh humare yahan bhi bartan karti thi ..... chalo jana pehchana parivar mil gaya ... ab toh ye rishta pakka samjho ...... !!!!



ROUND 2 -- The PI -- personal interview --

The one on one round ....
One and only one question .
Boy to gurl -- what are ur hobbies ? hmmmm .... ummm ... nothin jus watchin movies listnin to songs......
Gurl to boy -- what are your hobbies ? hmmm....ummmm .... same ....
lambaaa sannnataaa ......
background music ---> pankhe ki awaaaz ........


ROUND 3 -- The technical round --

This is the round where the actual deal is finalised (Lene dene ki baatien)
Just like you discuss your package , gross income , take home and the notice period before you can resign with the HR. Similar topics are discussed in this round... except the resignation part .....!!!


Once you clear this round you are given the offer letter during sagai ki rasam and once you accept this offer letter .... you finally get the JOINING DATE ...... ;-0

P.S -- Im sure even the University toppers will have a tough time cracking these interviews...!!!