15 minute me aata hu ...ek jaroori call hai ...

Blog Rating -- highly cheap and crude .....
Strictly for the stall public and not for the classy balcony crowd....


With his cell phone in his hand my collegue said -- abe ek imp call marke aata hu ... server par dhyan rakhna .... and he went off dabbling somethin on his phone .... 5 mins later i went to the washroom to wash my face ... suddenly i heard the flush and out came the same collegue ... he had camouflaged his visit to the loo with the pertext of making a call .... thus i understood when some one in the office says i need to make an imp call and disappears for 15 mins ... u shd understand that the call is not frm a person but from nature itself .....

People will make all sorts of wierd excuses like i need to meet the HR or i need a coffee break or i m goin to meet a friend from the nieghbouring cubicle ... and the nxt thing you know they are out in the washroom attaining nirvana ..... it is like a sin to be caught going to the loo ... no one will ever announce proudly abt visiting the washroom .... it is absolutely " TABOOO TO GO TO THE LOO "(sorry for the bad rhyme).

In our offic even though you cannot see wat is going on inside the washroom you can hear everything as the walls are too thin. Everytime someone comes out the others look at him in disgust and mumble .. sheee how cheap ... wat a hiedious criminal ..... he was the one making all those ultrasonic explosions .The poor guy washes his hands and runs off never looking back ....I have even caught high position managers and clients running off after being embarressed .No one is spared.

Inside the washroom all corporates are equal and the"LAW OF THE LOO " clearly states that there is no discrimination on the basis of caste creed company role or seniority .Thus even a manger who is all bossy and well poised in the outside world has to wait in the queue for his turn.



So next time you hear someone saying i am going to make an imp call .... and disappears for 15 mins ... you shd understand his problem .... !!

Jalliawaala Baagh massacre @ our room....

DISCLAIMER -- The following blog has been Rated - R for the usage of extreme graphic situations and high violence. Parental guidance is adviced for kids reading this blog.

Our room is like the planet earth , it has its own environment , its own food chain and its own little natural disasters . Various specicies of animals like lizards , cocroaches , ants and some higher mamals like mice and cats live side by side harmoniously in this cemented planet we call our room.At the top of the food chain are 3 homo sapiens who control the cycle of food and other important environmental issues of this planet.These are my roommates - ajya and rakya.

One day i went into the kitchen to get a glass of water .... and the scene i saw was horryfying .... around 20-30 coackroaches were nibbling at the monaco bicuits we had bought in the evening .....this was against the kanoon of nature ... a lower species enjoying food meant for us higher mammals ... seeing this .. ajya ka khoon khaul utha .....

As we sat down for dinner everyone was silent .... ...." yeh cockroaches ka kuch karna hoga" ... i said ..... rakya nodded his head in agreement ........ " MAAR DAALO " --- ajya said ... face red with anger ... lambaaa sannataa(there was a loong silence) ....................... "BAYGON Spray mai le aaunga" ... Rakya said .... "Hum kal subah hi humla karenge" .... i concluded .....

PAU fatteh hi (at sunrise ) ... we were ready with our gear .. .. i had to wear a mask as i could also be killed by baygon ..... we closed all doors and windows so that no cockroach could escape ... and then began the genocide ....... no one was spared ..... ajya faught bravely ... killing roaches below the bed .. in the sink ... under the washing machine .... i was wounded due to inhaling excess of baygon .... rakya was screaming .. jo bole so nihaal and bharat mata ki jai .....

The operation lasted for an hour ... the scene was similar to the jaliaawaala baagh masaacre ...the bodies of the coacroaches were given a respectfull burial ..... ajya was recommended for a param veer chakra and rakesh awarded wit the magasasey award .... Thus we were able to retain the peace and harmony of our room again ..... all thanks to BAYGON ....... !!!!!

Ghan (blunder ) kiya nahi jaata ho jaata hai ...

Statutary Warning -- All characters in the following blog have resemblance to some person living or dead .... any other resemlance is purely coincidental ... real names have been withheld on request ...


Oxford dictionary meaning of the word --- Ghan ..
Ghan -- gah-aan -- To make a mockery of urself by saying somethin stupid in front of your friends who will remember the blunder and spread it to as many people as possible.
verb -- ghaning , adj. -- ghanner.


This blog is a collection of the top ghaans(blunders) made by me and some of my friends --(All identities have been protected to avoid public humiliation....)

1).Ghaneshwar(name changed to protect identity) --> We were waiting for our office bus ... it was running a bit late ... one of my friends got pretty frustu and asked the travel desk incharge --- bhaisaab yeh 9:00 baje ki bus kitne baaje aati hai .... ?? there was a 2 min silence and then laughter all around .... the travel desk inchage even considered resigning from his job to avoid such inquiries ...!@#$#

2).Ghanendra --> We had gone to the local computer shop to buy blank CDs ... we were king for a package deal ... one of my friends asked the shopkeeper ...bhaisaab -- yeh 120 /- rupye ke CD ke pack ka cost kitna hai .. .. !!!! till today we are afraid to step into the same shop again ......

3).Ghanudaya --> The India Sri-Lanka one day series was on .... we were discussing that if india won the series 5-0 we would be no 1 .... when suddenly one of my friends asked the question -- Abe ye best of 5 series me total matches kitne hote hai ...!!!! we switched off the match and laughed for 10 mins before giving him a reply ...

4).Ghanprakash --> This ghan has been nominated for the lifetime achivement award --
One day my friend bought a tiffin to office.... one of the seniors asked him -- do u live with your parents .. ?? a very obvious question after seeing the tiffin ... to this my friend replied -- no with my cook ....... !!!!!! my friend had obviously foreseen the question and meant his cook had prepared the tiffin .... but we did not even wait to hear his explanation and i almost developed a six pack as my stomach hurt so much laughing at this ghan ... .$#%#$%#


5).Ghanu --> One day we were sitting in office bitching about the long work hours and how working on weekend sucked .... when of our married collegues said -- even i dont feel like workin on weekends.... to this my friend replied -- abe tujhe weekend par kya karna hai. ... tere toh biwi bacche hai ... mujhe toh abhi dono paida karne hai ... .!!!! We had to take a coffee break to calm down our laughter ... !!!

6).Ghanchandra --> It was our cultural evening ... me and one of my friend were supposed to perform a dance sequence on stage ... as per the practise sessions we were supposed to enter at a specific line in the song ... during the main event we were so busy whisltling at the performance of the girls that we totally forgot to enter the stage .... we had rehersed this for 3 days and all we did was whistle .... till today people are wondering why were we standing at the steps of the stage .... ##$@

7).Ghanesh --> This is a personal ghan made by me ... it was my roommates bday .. and there is a tradition of sending a group mail to all our friends to wish him .... i tried to act smart by being the 1st one to send the mail...but in my exitement i frogot to keep the bday boys mail ID in the loop ..... the bday boy himself did not come to know by the end of the day that he was being wished by every1 .....

As the saying goes ... maut aur ghan kahi bhi kahi bhi ho sakte hai ..... Death and blunder can happen anywhere anytime ..... so watch out this space as there will be more ghans and blunders which will be legendary ..... and it will be a sin not to discuss them ........

SATYAM- MEVA JAYATE ....

It was 7 Th Jan .... 10:30 in the morning ... i had just completed my morning kriya of brushing my teeth ... when my cell rang .... "Abe news chalu kar jaldi " .... was what the voice of my friend on the other end said .... i thought the india pakistan war had started ... fearing the worst i switched on the TV .....

BREAKING NEWS -- RAJU nahi raha gentleman ..... 7000 crore ka gaban .... Corporate fraud at its worst ..... 53 thousand employees orphaned .... were some of the headlines flashing on various news channels ....

I got dressed and reached office ... the floor looked like a crime scene with PMs and Rms as the FBI and CBI officials and the employees standing as innocent onlookers ..... the employees were on thier phones explaining their relatives that we are not a part of this .... the fraud was commited by one man and not the whole organisation ...

Next was the " ab kya karenge ,humara future toh barbaad ho gaya" phase ... everyone was contemplating alternate career options ... some of them were --

1.Workin in MAYTAS infrastructure as the crane operator ,cement mixer or a mason.
2.Workin with the municipal corporation as a traffic constable .
3.Working as a female swimming instructor ...
4.Delivering washed clothes for the local dhobi.
5.Opening a idly vada stall in partnership .....

Well the night was even worse ... evry1 at the room was hooked to aajtak news ...watching the downfall of our own company ... i was having this recurring dream of my kid sporting a tatoo of
" mera baap ek satyamite tha " ..... every satyamite was being looked on a a fraud ,cheat and a moneyswindler .....

Well the next day it was as if SATYAM was a shirt on a dicount sale at the local shopping centre ... even companies like jignesh software , kishore solutions and other 2 room companies were vying to buy satyam ... but nothing like that happened .... at the office people were in a more positive mind ... we thought this was the company which has given us so much ...... You dont abandon your parents or grandparents when they grow old ... so everyone was advised to continue working normally ...

We thought when we recover this would be the best comeback stories of corporate india .... we could tell our children we were part of this historic comeback ....

Thus we are still trying hard to keep the satya alive in satyam ....... and will continue to do so ...
"SATYAM-MEVA JAYATE"

Jalsa with Salsa

From childhood ive always wanted a real hobby . I have always lied on my CV, in interviews and on social networking sites about my hobbies. Collecting stamps ,coins and reading books have been the most popular ones ,whereas the thruth is ive never even used a stamp on an inland letter and the only books i might have read are Balbharti and champak comics.



On a fine friday evening when we were out buying weekly ration like homely housewives , a small boy handed me a leaflet ....... Bangalore SALSA -- Rs1200 /- per month ... no need of a partner ...... it read ...... this was a god sent signal for me to fulfill my lifelong dream of having a hobby ... SALSA .......

The next Saturday i put on my best shirt and jeans and set out to pursue my dream .... but i couldnt muster up the courage to go and register ... i guess i thougt this dance was for the rich nd famous... nd the only place i had danced was on ganapati visarjaan or on nasik dhol at the garba night ..... it would be like govinda dancing in a beyonce music video .....

Well after 2 nariyal paanis nd a plate of sev poori ... i thought well i cant swim without entering into water .... so i went up and registered ..... the crowd consisted of fluent english speaking, chewing gum chewing babes and studs ..... even the gatekeeper asked me in fluent english what i was lookin for .... embarresed i replies in broken english and found my way ....

Finally the class began ... and my worst fear came true .... the guys : girls ratio was 7:5 so 2 guys would not have partners ... and i was one of them ..... i cursed my stars for such rotten luck .... but then the trainer instructed to change partners and i heaved a sigh of relief .... in the beginning holding a girls hand felt awkward in a nice way .. but soon it was sweating and now it felt awkward in a wierd way ....

After dancing quitely with most of the girls .. i finally asked a girl -- "whats your name ?" ... she replied and asked ... "whats yours .. ??" .. i replied and then there was a long silence ..... u studyin or workin ? where are you from ? do u like coffee ? ... these were the questions i should have asked but the only thing that came out of my mouth was a sneeze ... i totally choked like the indian cricket team does in a series finale .... well that was my last chance to strike a conversation and i sneezed on it .... i had to dance quitely lookin at the cieling fan for the rest of the class .....Well even after all these award winning blunders ... i enjoyed the whole experience .. this was my first and only genuine hobby ......

After 3 trail classes they informed me they will be collecting the fees in the next class... and i havent returned since .. well i think now i have learnt enough to be a participant in the next season of nach baliye ;-) .......

The SIX pack dream ....

My roommate bought this months issue of Mens Health today ... seeing the model displaying a chess board below his chest made me think of my amoeba shaped body ... removing my shirt i stood in front of the mirror .... my torso looked like a meat piece hanging on the butchers shop ....the models body had a V-shape ... well my body could be described as an "O" of the english alphabet .... after subjecting my roomies to this horrifying view of my well carved ,chiselled and algae shaped pot belly i was made to put my shirt on ....

We all decided to hit the gym with full enthu ..... but what abt the fees ?? ... the solution ... the AUDUGODI gym .... Fess 300 rupees per month. ... the recession proof gym ...
the Crowd consisted of the whos who of the working class community ... Cab drivers ... the butchers ... the dobis et all ..... the only female found on the gym floor -- the lady who came to sweep the floor ... it was kinda nice ... improved our focus on the excersises...


The Rules -- no footwear inside the gym ... no deodrants inside .... no stealing the dumbells ...no revelaing attire ... well sometimes even men can expose unwanted skin on the gym floor ....



Our instructor -- Malli pronounced -- MALLL -eee ...was a small guy at 5ft 3 inches but a tough taskmaster ... he had the superpower to bend our body into all kind of weird shapes just by counting 1,2,3 ,4...5 ,6 .... saavaan (7) ...... well we were subjected to heavy duty push ups , chin-ups etc. ... the 1st 2 days were fun the third day we cud barely lift the spoon to feed ourselfs ...


We had learnt our lesson .... we formed a law in our room ... no one will ever buy another issue of the Mens healh magazine ... thus saving us the shame of feeling disturbed abt our body ...

We Vs The NIFTY ....

NIFTY -- can be compared to a to be bride who is choosing her wedding outfit ... not even she herself can predict what she will finally wear ...

So here we were hoping against hope that we could predict her (the NIFTY's) next move .... but we soon realised playing against her was like playing against venus williams in tennis or racing against michael schumacher in F1 ... you always ended up standing on the 3rd position on the podium ... but still we wanted to learn it the hard way ...

Before revealing more about our glorious journey to bankrupcy... let me take a Small Detour to give u a brief idea about the 3 novice investors in our room nd thier special characteristics -->
1. The Go -getter --> this specimen is not afraid of the word loss .... nd will invest in the market even if the world is suffering from a nuclear holocaust .....
2.The naptol guy --> this specimen will do a risk analysis even if he wants to cross the road .... he will put even the 5 paisa profit he earns into a Fixed deposit jsut to be safe .....
3.The" i thought i did it right but i dont know what went wrong " guy ---> Lets just say if this guy predicts something , the right thing to do is follow the opposite ....

So all 3 of us endowed with our unique superpowers started doing a detailed market analysis on the economic deficit and the global GDPs with the bulls and bears utilizing the premiums of the balance sheets of the foriegn investors.... sorry for the vocabulary overdose ... got a little carried away with the financial lingo .....In short after having surveyed the market and invested , we were very confident that we will make profits but the very next day our bank accounts were 10 K rupees lighter .....

All 3 specimens together with thier superpowers could not tame the NIFTY .....

We had learnt our lesson .... so we decided never to turn on NDTV profit again and be happy with our meagre but consistent salaries that our company paid us .....